Nail in Coffin

We went to Linate Airport directly from the meeting. I immediately started calls to sign up the right people for the job and Jay called her girlfriend/ex/whatever to share the good news.
“I’m happy for you but what does that has to do with me?” Jay’s girlfriend never failed in disappointing you.
”What do you mean by that?” Jay sounded irritated
”This only means that you’re going to work more and I will end up spending more time alone that I’m already am!”
Later on Jay told me that that was the nail in the coffin. She couldn’t do it anymore. Being with someone that was so selfish and that could never be happy for someone else. After all, Jay was paying for everything so who was she to complain?

So here we are. Jay is back on my sofa and I’m calling in some people tomorrow to get the bitch’s stuff out of the apartment and change the locks. Tomorrow we’re going out to celebrate.. and I have a special treat planned for my dear Jay..

Just Cavalli

One great thing with SAS is that they carry Mr and Mrs T Bloody Mary mix that is soooo much better than that tomato juice garbage. How do they expect you to do a proper drink on that? Anyways, Jay and I had a couple on the plane which soon made me go into dozing mode. There is nothing better than falling asleep on a plane and waking up when you're arriving. Amex had booked us for the Andreola, close Central Station and on our way there I called Claudio and found out that he recently deceased. He was only in his early 40s and I was totally unaware that he been ill. Apparently that was the way he had wanted to keep it and only the ones really close to him had known. Even if me and Claudio never been really close it got to me. Who was I feeling sorry about myself for the Katja thing? I expressed my condolences and hung up.

We arrived to the hotel and took a quick shower before our dinner with Franco. We needed to prepare the strategy for the meeting tomorrow. Jay looked really sharp in her suit. No baseball cap this time. We took a cab to Just Cavalli, a café restaurant conceived by Roberto Cavalli where Franco already was waiting by our table. Cheek kisses and happy greetings. It was a wonderful setting and atmosphere. Everybody was exited about the meeting tomorrow and at 11.30 pm we said goodbye and went back to our respective places…

Milanooooo!

I woke up by the phone ringing. On the sofa, smeary make up, blanket on top. I guess Fifi had felt sorry for me. It was Franco calling me from Milan with great news. Our proposal had found an interest and he wanted us to come down right away before everybody has flown the city in August. I called Jay as soon as I got off the phone. Her girlfriend/ex/whatever answered and I could tell by her voice that she was not happy. I couldn't care less. The matter of the fact is I can't stand the bitch. Jay on the other hand was overjoyed. I told her to pack a bag and meet me at the airport so we could get the first possible plane to Milan. Next call was to Amex platinum service for them to make the necessary arrangements. We were on our way!

Dusk

The food at Josefina didn't apply too me so after a drink we went to Strandbryggan instead. The food was excellent but the state I was in made me focused on the wine instead. Lisa is a very close friend and she knows me too well to be fooled. I drank way to much and in combination with the pills I was popping - that was not a good idea. She suggested that took a cab home and offered to go with me. I declined the company. Needed to be alone. At home I drank some more and listen to The The's Dusk cd until I crashed...

Lost Pride

I called Katja to ask her out for dinner. She had other plans.
"How about tomorrow?"
"I'm sorry but I don't think it's a good idea"
She sounded cold and although I already knew the answer I had to ask her why.
"Because I think you have a serious commitment problem"
I couldn't deny that.
"But I thought we had a good time?"
Need to at least try..
"I thought so too, but I cant see someone that just disappear on me like that"
I said I was sorry and let her go.

Jay had plans to see her girlfriend/ex/whatever so I called Lisa and asked if she wanted to have dinner with me. Made arrangements to meet at Josefina at Djurgården.

Another Day

Woke up and had really bad anxiety. It was especially bad when I thought about the woman from last night. I thought about Katja. Damn.. so typically me to fuck up good things like that.
Jay was feeling better and when I told her about the incident last night she was laughing out load.
"I just cant see you doing anything like that!" She said when I told her about the spanking and name calling bit.
"I know, but I thought it was about time that I tried some new things." I smiled
"So how was it?" Jay has always been keen of knowing the details.
"Terrible. I was really bored during the whole thing"
"So why didn't you just stop"
"I did eventually"
I told her the rest and she couldn't stop laughing.
"I can't wait telling people about this!"
"You can't do that Jay.." I could not believe that I had to bribe her to silence even in a situation like this. She never missed a chance.
"How much will it cost me this time?" I grabbed my checkbook.
"50 beers"
"Ok!"

Later that night when we had dinner she looked at me seriously and said
"Do you know what I think you should do"
"What?"
"Call Katja"
I knew that she was right but I just couldn't get myself to it..
"Maybe another day"

Just Do It!

It turned out that Lisa had nothing to worry about. Her boss's only respond was if he could join them, which of course would never happen. He was luckily unaware of the threat Lisa was to his marriage and that his wife was on the verve of leaving him for another women. What was stopping her? Lisa didn't want her to!
"You have to break up with her!" This was an accident waiting to happen.
"I've tried to but it is not that easy.."
"What do you mean it is not easy.. just f-ing do it!"
"The sex is amazing and.."
Bla, bla, bla... I was tired of people around me getting them selfs in shitty situations and not doing anything about it. Life isn't always easy but you deal with whatever you need to deal with!

Went home only to find Jay and Fifi in the sofa. L Word marathon had turned into a Sex and the City marathon. That means that Jay is feeling better. We've been down this road many times before. They didn't even notice me so I left again and went to a girly bar. I needed a reality escape.. really bad. Went home with a woman in her 30ies that wanted to be dominated. Fitted me perfectly. Went to her place and I used some of the stuff I learned at Lash. Some spanking and name calling. She wanted me to fuck her with a strap on and I did. I was bored before I even started but I figured she liked what I did since she was so loud. Too loud. It was such a turnoff that I had to stop.
"Whats wrong?"
"Nothing, I just lost it.. the feeling.. sorry"
I got up and she started swearing on me telling me to get the fuck out. I couldn't agree more. Turned my phone on and had two messages from Jay. One wondering where I was and the other one asking me if I could bring some chocolate with me home. And maybe also a bottle of coke. I asked the cabdriver to stop at a Seven Eleven. When I came home Jay was still in the sofa and she was very happy to see me. Or it was the chocolate that made her smile. I gave her a hug and told her that everything is gonna be fine. Her eyes watered but she was still smiling.
"Promise?"
"I promise!"

In Limbo

Got a long email from The Ambassador where she apologized for her behavior. She still wanted to come but everything is too late. So I didn't respond. Katja have been calling leaving 3 messages and I haven't responded to her either. God knows I want to.. and thats the reason why not. Jay is still in my sofa and she's been going through all four seasons of L word and starting on the first one again. Fifi have vacation from his job and has been watching some with her while I've been working. Now Fifi wants to be a lesbian too.

Better believe it!

Rumours saying that Lindsay Lohan has a relationship with Samantha Ronson. Good for her!! I’m sure Samantha fucks her way better than all the wankers Lindsay’s been dating in the past!

Stop Spinning

Haven’t talked to Katja for the last two days. Felt that I needed some space to get on with my life. VonDyke-time stood still, while the rest of the world kept on spinning. Now I need to take care of business. Lets face it, she is far to young (and so straight) to be wife material anyways and that’s a road I don’t want to go down on. Met Lisa at Strandbryggan for dinner out in the sun. She is working as a manager for a smaller hotel chain and she is having an affair with the wife of her boss.
”Kenneth found out!” She was smoking nervously.
”Are you sure?” I was confused.
”Yes!”
”How did he found out?”
”She told him! She fucking told him, and now I’m scared he will fire me!!” She looked really small.
“Calm down, he won’t fire you..” Who did I try to convince.. me or her?
We discussed the whole thing during dinner and it was nice to forget all about Katja for a while. It made me realize that thing could have been worst and I wasn’t so bad of after all.

Jay text me and wondered if she could use my sofa since she had a fight with her girlfriend. Previously she used to stay in my guestroom but it was now Fifi’s room. I picked her up on the way home and I could tell that she’s been drinking. I gave Jay the L word DVD boxes and made us some tea. She started from the beginning with season 1. Jay really loves that show..

Wrong to Right

Katja came and she stayed. We spent most of the weekend in bed and she didn’t even leave to get a change of clothes. She is truly amazing and I miss her already which scares the shit out of me. As soon as she left yesterday I went in to the office to get some work done and my mind on something else but her. I failed on every account.

The Ambassador called and wanted to come after all. Saying that she was wrong in a way and if I didn’t miss her at all? I never reward a bad behaviour (if I’m not in love) and this time was no different. I told her I still thought that the best thing would be if she didn’t come and she hung up the phone in my ear.

Straight as Gay

Jay was teasing me about my efforts towards Katja.
”I thought you said you never date straight girls!”
”Well, its not like I’m dating her. I’ve only seen her twice.”
”Invitation for a dinner like that is a little bit more just seeing, I would say.”
“Its not my fault that Fifi..”
She didn’t let me finish the sentence.
”HA, blame it on Fifi your coward!”
She was right. I was a coward and straight girls are one of my biggest fears. Too many of my lesbian friends has been hurt by them and in the end they always end up with a man. Exception Jay; she always got straight women AND they stayed around for as long as Jay wanted them to. I wasn’t Jay but still I couldn’t help being intrigued by Katja. I was divided with myself weather to see her again or not when I got a text message from The Ambassador; “Do you miss me? I still have the tickets…”

”I cant believe it, what’s wrong with people?” I asked Jay.
“The lesbians never disappoint you in disappointing you. That’s why I prefer straight women...” She smiled mischievously, raising her eyebrows up and down.
Hmm.. she had a point.
“..and even better is that they haven’t been around on the gay scene fucking girls that you used to fuck or vice versa!“
So true. You already fucked anyone worth fucking (and several that was not) and the just-coming-out ones are too young. Not to mention too inexperienced.

I deleted the message and called Katja.
“I want to see you..”
”When?”
”Tonight if possible.”
”Where?”
”My place at 20?”
”I’ll see you then.”

Wine & Dine

Fifi was so happy when I told him I was expecting a guest and that I wanted him to prepare a nice dinner for us.
“Can I serve to!?” he wanted to know.
”Of course you can”
”Thank you Madame!” He said gratefully, clapping his hands in excitement.

Katja arrived and if she was surprised to find this beautiful, muscular man in a French Maid dress in my house, she hid it well. She had dressed up for the occasion which pleased me. I like women that make an effort to look their best. Fifi asked her if she wanted an aperitif before dinner and she accepted.
We sat down in the sitting room. She admired the art and I admired her. She was a masterpiece. Beautiful face, slender body and those long legs. Her eyes captured mine and for a moment I lost track of what she was saying.
”Pardon?”
She smiled
”I said that I am glad you called me”
I smiled back
”So am I”
Fifi declared that the dinner was ready and we followed him to the dining room. Me after her as the gentlewoman I am.

The dinner was lovely, perfect even. Fifi is the best thing that happened to me! Sweetbread with Swedish foie gras and curry meringues, followed by Monkfish with pickled melon and eucalyptus. For dessert Chocolate with lemon grass and mandarin. Delicious! Katja was as impressed as me and talking to her made me feel better than in a long time. As we went back to the sitting room for a glass of champagne I changed my mind and lead her to my bedroom. Perfect ending to a perfect evening. I didn’t call a cab this time..

Know Him so Well

Some Japanese prospects are in town and we had to take them out for a night on the town. I hate having to deal with drunk clients of the opposite sex. Sooner or later someone are getting a little bit to touchy and you can’t ask them to fuck of since you need the business. Jay are lucky.. the men always seems to come to me and the women to her. Yesterday was no exception. After a delicious dinner at Oaxen we did some bar hopping around the Stureplan area. The Japanese became drunk quite fast so I guess there could be some truth about the lack of enzyme speculations. They insisted to go to a karaoke bar, which shouldn’t surprise me but it did.
”We have to get out of this!” I grabbed Jays shoulder and looked her desperately in the eyes.
”Relax, I’ll take care of i.” Jay looked super cool and for a split of a second I almost believed her.
“You know I don’t do stages, I just cant..” I was close to crying.
”Relax… I said I take care about it. Promise!”

At the karoke bar everybody was drinking and my rule not to get drunk during job related situations was really hard to stick by. The Japanese didn’t take no for an answer. I tried to trick them by sipping my shots but they found out.. and as a result they forced me on stage. I just stood there like a mupped.. palms sweaty, body shaking and realizing that I had to do this for the sake of the firm. I looked at Jay for sympathy but she was drunk beyond. Somebody picked the song for me and it starts playing; ‘I Know Him So Well’ from the musical Chess. It was one of the most humiliating moments of my life...

Wrong Energy

Back in Stockholm and it is grey and rainy. This has to be the worst summer ever! I thought that the climate changes would have the opposite effect. As if the weather wasn’t bad enough the Ambassador called and cancelled on me.
“The energy doesn’t seem right between us..” She explained.
“I’m sorry, but that’s how I feel. We are more like friends than anything else”
I was sorry to but what could I do.
“Well, if that’s how you feel maybe it would be the best thing not to come.”
What did she expect of me? I met her couple of times and now the energy doesn’t feel right? Why do women have to make such a big deal out of everything? Why can’t they just take it slow and see what happens? I felt so down after our phone call that I called Christian.
”Hi Chris it’s me!”
“Hi there, how was London?”
”It was great. You don’t have the number to the brunette by any chance?” I went straight to the point.
”Katja? What do you want that for?” He was teasing me.
“Never mind, do you have it?”
”No, but I can get it for you.”
”Would you, please?”
”Of course, I’ll call you back in a bit.”

I stared at the note, took a deep breath and dialed. I don’t think Katja noticed that I was nervous and when I asked her to have dinner with me she accepted..

Spend Money - Make Money

Jay was in a hung-over-quiet mood all day but after a couple of beers and a new pair of sunglasses her mood went up some levels. She peaked inside Harvey Nichols where she chatted up a girl in the Beauty section. I don’t know how she does it. Everywhere we go same thing. I wanted to continue to Notting Hill and the Portobello Road Market but Jay was tired and wanted to go back to the hotel for a nap so I went by myself. Found some beautiful scarves for only one pound each so I got two of them. Purrrrrfect. This means that not only did I spend money, I made money too!

We went for dinner with Anders, an investment banker I know that moved to London 5 years ago, and some of his friends at Nobu. I’ve never been there before but was quite curious. One of my favourite restaurants in Copenhagen is Umami, and I’ve heard that one of the guys who opened it used to work at Nobu in London. It was promising indeed.. and I wasn’t disappointed. The black cod was amazing and the unfiltered sake that we had plenty of made everybody happy. Jay thought it was the best kind of wine she ever had and she kicked every single one of the guys in arm wrestling. After we went to a club nearby that I cant remember the name of and it was almost impossible to get in. It was two levels and we went to the second one where the music was better. Bankers do know how to party. I was all sweaty from dancing non stop as we took a cab back to the hotel. Since we had an early flight back we didn’t go to bed, just took a shower and packed our things…

Dancing Queens

Candy Bar was as depressing as we would hope for it not to be. Where are all the hot power lesbian we’re getting spoiled with in reality shows? Why can’t I meet someone like Jackie Warner? I’m seriously considering going to LA and have my hair cut by Sally Hershberger just to meet her. We left Candy Bar for eye candy and went to Sanderson for drinks. Much better! Ended up going to an after party, which I usually never do, but hey.. we were here for inspiration after all. The party was located in a big flat near Green Park. It had a beautiful terrace where a group of people had gathered to smoke some weed. They offered us some but last time I tried it gave me diarrhoea so I declined and sipped on my Martini. We mingled for a bit and before we made ourselves comfortable in the sofa where we had the best supervision. Two blond sexy women started to dance in front of us and we just sat there happy to be alive. After a while they noticed us and came over chat. Jay has never been the shy type so after a wile she asked them if they couldn’t dance for us some more which they did. Jay is the king (or queen in her case)…

London Calling

Jay and I are going to London for the weekend and Fifi helped me pack my bag. We’re going for inspiration but I’m hoping to trick Jay into some shopping as well. She really hates it but I’ll bribe her with beer. I once dated a girl from London who was the most fucked up one I ever dated. This won’t stop us from going to a girly bar though. Candy Bar is as mandatory as well as getting yourself a treat in Agent Provocateur. That’s another thing I can blame my London fling for. She introduced me to AP and now I’m hooked..

Dyke In A Bottle

Meet up with my friend Lisa for a glass of rosé at Strandbryggan, an outside restaurant/bar located on a float in the water. The place was packed and I didn’t feel like having dinner since I am totally hooked on Fifi’s cooking. Besides all tables where occupied so we just sat down by the bar. Lisa told me about the newest stunt on the lesbian scene, a Burlesque Peep Show. Saw Godess Dita von Teese in the champagne glass for my inner eye but the image quickly changed to a masculine dyke inside a beer bottle wearing fishnet stockings. I think I’ll pass on that.

Went home and found Fifi vacuuming wearing a maid’s uniform. He immediately turned it off when he noticed me.
”Good evening Madame.” He nodded.
“Good evening Fifi.”
”I have prepared dinner for Madame.“
I could SO get used to this.

After a delicious dinner I watched the movie ‘Puccini for beginners’. I could have been okay if the plot didn’t include a lesbian with a boyfriend. Yes, you read me right. A lesbian with a boyfriend! In real life lesbians doesn’t have boyfriends!! And I don’t care if she got back together with her ex girlfriend in the end of the movie and the fact that he was a result of bad judgement during a time when she was hurt and confused. Lesbians don’t have boyfriends. Never, ever and for no reasons. It is just as simple as that..

Food & Friends

I spend the whole weekend working and getting to know Fifi and he is amazing. After a delicious cod with sea lobster juice and white asparagus I made up my mind. Yesterday he moved in.. My flat looks great and I feel great!